While it is often portrayed as such, domestic violence does not always involve a female victim and male abuser. A National Study of Domestic Abuse found that 213,000 Irish women and 88,000 Irish men have been severely abused by a partner at some point in their lives. Yet only 5 per cent of those men reported it to the Gardai – a much lower percentage than women (29%).
It is not hard to understand why. The Domestic Violence Act, 1996, is ‘gender-neutral’ in that it is legislation there to protect anybody affected by abuse; spouse, partner, man or woman. The reality is very different. For a long time domestic abuse was as a gender issue. In the patriarchal society of times gone by, men were the heads of the household and women the subordinates. Men were therefore the usual perpetrators of abuse when it happened. That much is fact. But times have changed. And so must our response to this issue.
Domestic violence is no longer a cross only women bear. One in six men will be severely abused by their partners at some point in their lives! That is a shocking statistic. And we’re only talking here about severe abuse! Though issues like stigma and shame play a big role in why men are reluctant to report cases of domestic abuse – the worry that they’d be seen as ‘less of a man’ can be a huge obstacle in accessing support.
Worry about child custody is another common reason why men may choose to ‘stick with it’ rather than leave their abusive relationship behind. If they leave the family home, such is the unequal state of family law in Ireland, there is no guarantee that these fathers will be permitted regular contact with their kids, never mind custody or joint custody.
For unmarried fathers, the position is even worse. There are, however, things that can be done that afford fathers – married or not – some rights such as applications for guardianship, custody or access. For men who have suffered any type of domestic abuse there are also remedies available to them – barring, protection and safety orders for instance.
Male domestic abuse is on the rise and in the first instance the extent to which it exists needs to be recognised.